To Change Or Not To Change? A Look At The Question

We are all different. One important way in which people can greatly differ is in how comfortable they are with change. For some, almost constant change is desirable and highly sought after. For others, like myself, change is mostly undesirable and typically avoided. It's not that all change is either good or bad, right or wrong. It's more about that fact that some people frequently seek out a variety of new stimulation, and some people prefer it when life feels mostly predictable and orderly. One person's idea of boring is another person's idea of serenity.



Of course, when it comes to making some major changes, such as dealing with things like phobias, addictions, co-dependency, illness and death, these are hard for anyone, irregardless of whether an individual tends to like or dislike change. It takes both time and effort to change some things or to accept those things we can't alter. This reminds me of "The Serenity Prayer", beloved of 12-Step programs everywhere. (Keep in mind that it the word "God" can be replaced with that of Goddess, Buddha, Allah, Mother Earth, Father Sky, Great Spirit, Universe, Higher Power, etc. etc. Personally, I don't bother changing it when I say it because I know what I mean.)

"The Serenity Prayer"

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things

I can not change.

The courage to change

the things I can

And wisdom to know the
difference.

For me, I have difficulty not only with those changes that are hard for all of us, but also with other changes as well. It's certainly not that I dislike the new and different. It's just that it takes me some time before and after; time to actively make changes and time to adjust afterward. I like it when I feel a certain sense of harmony in my life. Change tends to give me some tension, anxiety and a feeling of disorder. This is interesting to me since I've gone to foreign countries, by myself, hopped on the public bus and explored. So, it's not as if I always avoid new experiences. Yet, I'm limited in my spontaneity. I might go explore a foreign land on my own, but I usually do so with language books, maps, guidebooks, and money in different forms. I'll have likely researched, planned and studied that foreign country, including those bus routes, beforehand. Change is harder for me if I don't have the luxury time.

Originally, I was thinking of change in terms of big and small changes, but I find, for myself, that change usually comes only in plus-sizes: Large, LARGER, EVEN LARGER, and OVERWHELMING LARGE. My difficulty with change tends to make me view change in these big quantities. That's why, whenever I choose to try to change something in my life, the first thing I need to do is to hit whatever it is with a hammer. I need to hammer it until it shatters into smaller, more manageable pieces. Then, I can try to change those pieces one by one.

When it comes to some types of changes, this approach might be very practical. When it comes to others, like, say, changing my socks, the best approach is not to hit my feet with a hammer until they are shattered into pieces. (Ouch! Good thing I realize this!) It is more practical to alter some things by taking a simpler, and in this case, saner approach, such as only mentally breaking them into pieces.

Sometimes, it's most rewarding to face changes from outside the desirable, comfortable place from which we normally would approach them. If making changes is easy and frequent for someone, there can be much growth and knowledge gained by not changing something. Instead of always looking for the fresh and new, gains can be made by staying still, sticking with something and, then, seeing where it takes you. There are somethings that are worth holding onto and some that are better off being left alone.

On the other hand, if changes are difficult and done infrequently, much growth and knowledge can be gained by pushing forward, following through, and, as the Nike ads say to "Just Do It!", despite any reluctance. By doing what might normally make us uncomfortable, by pushing pass our usual boundaries, all sorts of discoveries could be made. This is not to say that we should act contrary to our own standards of right and wrong. Instead, I ask how many times do we resist taking the different, less comfortable approach, not because it is wrong, but only because it's not what we usually like to do?

Some things are beyond our limited sphere of control. It's a fact that not everything falls into our personal realm of responsibility. Like it or not, there will always be many, many things in life that are beyond our individual capacity to alter, even if it we try our hardest to do so. I believe that happiness can be found in discovering our personal balance between when when to change and when not to change.

(The photos I included are a few that I recently took. I seem to take a lot of pictures of flowers and of the sky.)


Until I type again,
Kami