Dealing With Stress

After having a summer of extreme heat, the weather in Western Washington already has the damp feel of Fall. It reminds me how quickly the seasons change. Work lately has been very hectic, and I've been struggling each day to relax. Time flies, but I often need to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my life in the here and now. Stress is a normal part of life, but how I choose to deal with it is up to me. Humor is one effective way.

FAMILY STRESS TEST

How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.

1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then "we can talk."
2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
3. ___ The cat is on Valium.
4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
7. ___ No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
9. ___ You have to check your kid's day-planner to see if he can take out the trash.
10.___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.

How you rate:

30 - A perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!

20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.

10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?

0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do anyway?

"FROM SEATTLE WITH LOVE"

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of fire.
Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"
"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"

MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 & 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state you name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are far too busy to talk to you.

Lastly, here's some relaxing music which I find is also is a great way to unwind.

The source of the "Family Stress Test", "From Seattle With Love", and "Mental Health Hotline", as well as more on relaxation, can be found at http://www.relaxation.com/.

Until I type again,
Kami