The Waters Of Grief

Photo "River" courtesy of http://www.pdphoto.org/PictureDetail.php?mat=&pg=5320

GRIEF IS LIKE A RIVER

By Cinthia G. Kelley

My grief is like a river,
I have to let it flow,
but I myself determine
just where the banks will go.

Some days the current takes me
in waves of guilt and pain,
but there are always quiet pools
where I can rest again.

I crash on rocks of anger;
my faith seems faint indeed,
but there are other swimmers
who know that what I need

Are loving hands to hold me
when the waters are too swift,
and someone kind to listen
when I just seem to drift.

Grief's river is a process
of relinquishing the past.
By swimming in hope's channels,
I'll reach the shore at last.

Last night, I learned of the recent death of a wonderful woman who played an important part in my life. She was my mother-in-law, the mom of my husband, Chris, who, himself, died in 2007. She was kind and generous, practical and honest. She gave me both love and respect. She told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her son. I feel this is the ultimate compliment that anyone could receive from their in-laws. In short, she was just the opposite of all those bad mother-in-law stereotypes.

A lifelong smoker, she died of lung cancer. I could easily make this blog a lecture on the hazards of smoking, but really, is there any point in that? Does anyone not know about the dangers of smoker in this day and age? It is a powerful addiction, more difficult to beat than heroin, according to some opinions that I've heard. I'm not a smoker, but I have loved smokers, and I do appreciate that it's a very, very hard habit to kick.

I've learned firsthand that grief is complex and confusing. It makes me see the preciousness of life and the bittersweet gift of loving people. When my grandpa died, my family deemed his memorial service "A Celebration Of Life". This seems to be the way I most react to death. I want to laugh in the face of it. In the midst of my sadness for the loss, I also feel the need for humor. I want smile, to giggle, to sing, to dance, to celebrate as much as I want to cry.

It has been said many times that laughter is the best medicine. I believe that this is true. Searching the Internet for humorous material, I recognize that I am looking for more than a distraction. I'm seeking balance, comfort, joy and appreciation of the goodness to be found in the universe. It's out there. Even when loss enters our lives, the rest of the world doesn't disappear. Life goes on. Love and joy and hope and laughter are eternal forces. I think of the times that I have laughed so hard that it brought tears to my eyes, and I think of the times when I have cried until it turned into laughter. They are opposite, yet, they are also the same. Yin-yang. Together, they represent part of a whole. To have full, complete lives, we can not avoid pain, loss and sorrow. It is through these experiences that we can most learn to find our own path to beauty, awe and happiness.

I leave you today with a scene from the movie "Anger Management" because, even though I've seen it several times, I still laugh each time.

Until I type again,
Kami